The Exclamation Mark, an innocent piece of punctuation, oft over used by school children and OMG texters alike, who would have thought this innocuous gasper would have been the cause of the heretical war which scarred a part of Europe of the mid-medieval period.
Dr. Barry Meard
Strange as it may seem the Exclamation Mark is punctuation written in blood! It was in the tiny priory of St. Ignatius in the North East of England that a monk called Hafocueterp was scribing the Apocrapale of Isihigher, when at the end of a sentence to add emphasis he added a new sign taken from the latin for joy -IO- ! As nobody could read at the priory this new grammatical mark went completely unheeded until needing to pay off a debt the Prior sent the book to Rome. Marcellus II the current Pope was otherwise occupied in terminating his short reign and so the reading of the work was left to his deputy Fredius Bloggius. Bloggius was incensed, believing the sign to be an up turned i, and therefore negating the individual self-hood proscribed to all men by God.
In light of this misreading Bloggius could follow the only course of action left to him. And so Hafocueterp was emasculated and burnt at the stake, his member and parts nailed over his head – like the offending mark itself.
The martyrdom of Hafocueterp caused outrage in Priory of Acton. The monks – followers of the order of St Vitalis well known for their pink cassocks (the colour of pure love) and drooped heads (in constant contemplation) – wrote a strongly written parchment to Bloggius. This well thoughtout and witty retort forced Bloggius into Condeming the entire order for Heresy and sending the knights Templer over to wipe them out.
However, the Order of St. Vitalis (AKA The Deep Thought Friars) were also a warrior order and quickly took to arms. The battle of Wormwood Scrubs was fought at 3: 25 on The Feast Day of St. Bibiana when there was mickle frost upon the sod, as the histories tell us. The Templars had arrived first, and stood stock still, their thoughts upon ridding the world of this Exclaimation heresy. Bloggius had been sure of an easy victory The Order of the St Vitalis was a small and obscure one, yet on that day Bloggius was to be proven wrong and typography was to gain a new weapon.
For as the Templers gazed into the mist, they saw emerge the grim features of the upstanding friars. Dressed in their traditional pink cassocks their only armour was their purple painted helmets – for the head is the emperor of body in their ideology – attached to each leg, as a sign of respect for St Bibiana, were two rounded pigs bladders of wine covered in horse hair. As these great upright figures bobbed out of the fog the Templars turn White at the thought of cutting them down. Instead they turned and ran with their tail between their legs.
When the shame faced warriors reported back to the head of their order, far from being disappointed he rewarded them with a severe whipping and penance. It was for Bloggius for whom his opprobrium was held.
Incensed at the nature of the symbolic battle that Bloggius had had his knights fight, he stormed into the Vatican and beheaded Bloggius. Bloggius was then laid out with his head at his feet, just like the offending Mark.
From that moment on the exclaimation has been used to Mark both surprise and as a reminder of the follies of ignorance and hubris.
Ye Imp 